My Broken Love is Pulling Me Under
by Riku's-Kitsune-Mate
Summary: Heartbreak and Confusion ...Blood and Death ... Unrequited Love and Darkness in a Friend... Poor Sora can't take it anymore. [Songfic, RikuSora, Sora POV, OneShot, Depressing]


**My Broken Love is Pulling Me Under**

**Author's Insane Rants:**

Hey, everybody! I was working on my other fics, and I felt like doing a depressing one-shot, so I figured why not so this? It's a songfic to "Going Under" by Evanescence. **Warning: SoraRiku, yaoi, sad, kind of depressing.** This is dedicated to all of my loyal reviewers and any thatare to come. It's sad and sweet, and I hope that you like it! Please read and review! Oh, and its Sora's POV!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Evanescence or the song. But when I take over the world I will! Mwuhahahahaha! ….ahem …. Sorry, darn split personality …

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I sat there drifting … Drifting into unknown territories, my thoughts all of you as I continued down this path of uncertainty and ruin, of broken hearts and unrequited love. My thoughts are always on you, now days. Even as I take down the Heartless, one by one, I can't keep you out of my head. Your all knowing eyes – oh, the beautiful aquamarine eyes that haunt my every aching moment, every dream that I dream, every thought that I think. The aquamarine eyes that I could just loose myself in every time that I see you. I journey to each new world, hoping for a glimpse, a glimmer of your smiling face. 

Nobody hears it when I cry on the inside, my heart weeping at the very mention of your name. Riku. I love the sound of it as it comes off my tongue. The ways that just the sound of it makes my heartbeat kick up a notch. The ways that just the sound of that one syllable makes me want to be stronger for you, only you. Every minute that passes as I search for you makes me want to scream out in agony, because I want to see the beautiful sight that captivates me so. The way that your hair glimmers in the light is a more beautiful sight than the moon. I know that the heavens are envious of you, because you're better than a god. The way that I just want to stroke your soft hair every time that you're near, and the way that it looks so beautiful and smells so sweet whenever I see you, makes me even more determined in my search. I love the way that you catch me when I fall, protecting me from any danger. Every night I cry wishing that all of this pain would just go away; that I could just find you.

_**Now I will tell you what I've done for you.  
**__**50 thousand tears I've cried.  
**__**Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you.  
**__**And still you won't hear me.  
**__**Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself.  
**__**Maybe I'll wake up for once,  
**__**Not tormented daily defeated by you.  
**__**Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,  
**_**_I'm dying again._**

I approach Hallow Bastion, the place where you are. Will I find you there? Can I save you? Will I only find my heart breaking again? These questions are rushing through my head as I look for my love, haunter of my thoughts and dreams. But I wonder now, why you left me all alone. Three times, now, I've found you and you left me, each time taking a little piece of my now broken heart. How much longer can I take this pain? I can't just put a bandage on it, and have everything be okay. No, my wounds are deeper. Every time that I see you I can feel my heart heal, only to be broken by your harsh words and even harsher departure. I start to wonder if with each time my heart breaks, my sanity leaves me, and will, in the end, be lost forever. You hurt me, and with each passing moment I spend thinking of you only hurts me more. Thus, I am in continuing anguish, with my heart cracking and snapping in two with every moment, because I think of you all the time. Why do you torture me so? How can my fragile heart take so much punishment? I fear that soon it will break, and will never be fixed again.

_**I'm going under,  
**__**Drowning in you,  
**__**I'm falling forever,  
**__**I've got to break through.  
**__**I'm going under.**_

I watch as you draw your sword and say harsh things to me. Your words are tearing up my already fragmented heart, breaking it into even smaller pieces. Is that even possible? I hold back the tears that have started to well up in my eyes as you tell me that we are not friends, anymore. It is only you that believes this, not me. I've always been your friend, and always will be, even in death. What makes you say such things? This isn't like you at all. You were always the kindest person I knew, and I always felt we had a connection that went even deeper than just best friends. I knew it was there, and you did, too. So I know that it is not you who tells me to 'Give up now,' and to 'Prepare to die.' I know you better than that, and whatever is making you do this, doesn't. I can feel the darkness gripping around you, forming ice around your once warm heart.

You come charging at me, and I block, if only to stay alive. I strike back, even though my heart does not want me to. But I hold back at the last second; I could never bring myself to cause you real harm. But even though you do not have a scratch, I feel the blood dripping off my wounds. These crimson tears that leak from my body are the tears that my body cry for you. I know that it satisfies whatever is inside you, making you do these things. I continue to block, although only half heartedly. I don't why I do this. Maybe it is in hopes to save you from whatever has made you this way? Who knows, but as you call out an attack, my body fights back. I want this to be some horrible nightmare that I'll wake up to, but these hopes are for naught, although my heart believes. Thoughts and ideas continue to whirl around in my head. Why do I keep having these weird thoughts lately? Like, is any of this for real, or not? My body wants to collapse on the ground in front of you, and confess these very thoughts to you. It may want to, but I will not let it. I will it to keep defending, if only that. I try to make it attack, but my body has betrayed my mind, and instead listens to my traitorous heart.

_**Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,  
**__**So I don't know what's real and what's not.  
**__**Always confusing the thoughts in my head,  
**__**So I can't trust myself anymore.  
**__**I'm dying again.**_

I can feel the trails of crimson tears that I cry, running down my body. But I feel no pain. The only pain I feel is the pain and suffering of my woesome heart. But I can't give up. I won't give up, even when things seem hopeless. Not until I save you from what you've become. Bit my bit my heart is shattering, and with each piece that crumbles and fades, my sanity goes with it. Madness is starting to grip what's left of my miserable mind, and in a way, it's a relief. Soon I can be put to rest, but first I must save you, but it seems to be an impossible feat. The blood loss is nearly unbearable, my head feeling lighter and lighter. I can feel my body getting weaker, and it looks like everything is in a thick haze. My arms won't move and legs feel stiff. I can't go on. I look in your eyes, and it feels as if I'm drowning, drowning in those eyes and in the blood that falls from my wounds. I know it makes you feel better, when I bleed like this, but I can't help but feel that it is not truly you who wants this. It is him that's making you do this, right? You don't truly want me dead, do you? My best friend since forever, my secret love for all of these years would not hurt me like this. I look in your eyes once more, and it's not the same warm eyes of the boy I knew on the islands, no, but hollowness and emptiness, caused by that man who has overtaken your body. Now I know I must save you, but how? It feels as if I'm sinking into darkness, going under the black.

_**I'm going under,  
**__**Drowning in you,  
**__**I'm falling forever,  
**__**I've got to break through.**_

You continue to fight, yet I cannot go on. I have no strength left in my heart to keep up this fight, and the fact that it is you that I must battle you only breaks me further. I bend my head, and let the Keyblade slip from my lifeless hand. The floor is covered in somebody's blood … mine, not yours. I came here hoping to save you, and instead it seems as if it is you who must save me. I can feel my body being pressed against the cold wall, your hand around my neck. The wall is hard and freezing compared to my sweaty, soft skin. The Keyblade you wield is dark and evil and I can feel the tip being pressed against the flesh of my chest, right above my double-crossing heart. These cuts all over my body are merely flesh wounds, and not the cause of my weakness. It is my heart that makes me weak, and forces me to stop, for I can not bear to continue fighting you, my love. You lean down next to my ear, and I can feel the hot breath leave your lips as you pant, and I whimper, at the strange sensation this causes all over my body.

"Any last words?" you whisper into my ear. Oh the words that I wish to say to you. I gaze strongly into your eyes, your hollow and cold eyes. But behind the mask that you are disguised behind, I can see a flicker of light, a glimpse of the boy that I knew when I was five, when we promised that we would be friends forever. The same boy that wanted to discover new worlds with his best friend. But as I wish to say all of these words to you, I know that I cannot. It would take days to explain how I feel about you, but I shall shorten it, for it all condenses into one thing: love.

"Yes, Riku, I do. I'm going under because of you. All of these years there has been one thing that I want to say to you. I love you, Riku. I always have and I always will. I know that you can't return these feelings, and because of that, I cannot go on," I say, and before you can make a reply, I lean forward to kiss you, the harsh tip of your Keyblade pushing into my chest. But the pain is nothing compared to what I've been feeling for years without your tender love. And in a way, my death is a relief, for I no longer have to endure this pain. Your lips taste sweet as they meet mine, but this pleasure is short lived, because I can already feel the life leaving me and a cold death setting in. My life is ending, and I'm falling, falling for what seems like forever into darkness. My light is fading, growing dimmer and dimmer, until I can't see it anymore. I feel your lips leaving mine, and tears fall onto my face. "I love you, Riku," I whisper. I open my eyes one last time, and I see the eyes that I've longed to see for the longest time. The eyes of the boy that I knew when we were on the island; the eyes that haunt my dreams and thoughts; the eyes of my love, Riku. No longer are they the hollow, dull, and empty eyes of that man that had possessed you, but are eyes full of concern and guilt, love and care. My eyes flutter shut, and the last words I hear are yours as you hold me in your strong arms.

"What have I done?" I hear you whisper in a choked voice. "I love you too, Sora," I hear you say, as I slowly drift away, and into nothingness, I die.

_**So go on and scream,  
**__**Scream at me I'm far away.  
**__**I won't be broken again.  
**__**I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under.

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**Author's Crazy Talk:**

Poor Sora! Hope you liked it! Probably gonna stay a oneshot unless somebody wants a sequel. Please review, but I don't like flames unless they are helpful. In other words, constructive criticism, and Ja Ne!

**P.S.:** If you haven't already, check out my other stories, too!


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